it is not easy

 who said it is easy, no one says it will be easy, in the moment that I realize it is not easy, then I can certainly presumed that it will be hard, until I reach to that point, that it was worth having.

What do I mean by saying it is hard, until I was already there.

Is it about doubtful, it is part of the process, and the hardship in life, that you will certainly come to the point that you doubt yourself, if you are really doing well, and that those times you choose not to pursue your dream, or those times that you choose to have a break, made you even think or be in the state of doubtfulness.

Whenever I choose to have a break, even for the fact that I totally know that I must instead of exploiting the time given by Lord to studying, ended doing unproductive day, but I must disagree to that, I should, and not be in the state of doubtfulness. 

Yes I did it, I did it because I am exhausted already, I want to drop it just for a moment, knowing that I should have spent it in learning but instead I did not do it.

Which comes to my mind that, it is hard. and why and am even sure that this will be worth it.

But I guess I am doing it, because all the things that I've said will render nugatory. 

I guess, I am learning, but to my mind, I am pretty sure, I was too far from there, I was never, a bit nearer, but I guess I am still pursuing my goal.

I am too emotional, I was never good, I am sad but I think you can never learn everything in just a short period of time, or even in your lifetime. that is why, I am giving it to the Lord, for all the shortcomings I've done, may He have mercy on me.