i am 28 turning 29

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 What I really want in life?

1. I want to find my life partner,

I am hoping that, right now to find my life partner, together we will find a way to climb the ladder to achieve our goals in life.

I plan to find someone I can be with and drop all the dreams I am planning.

This decision in my life, is I find it critical because, if in the case that I decided to enter law school, I should drop the possibility of finding my life partner, courting in law school will only distract me from achieving this dream, it is just so frustrating to learn that I may achieve of becoming a lawyer, but turned out not finding a wife, and then die alone, because no one wants me because I am old bald man, and I might achieve becoming a lawyer but not to the extent that it will uplift my status of living.

worst come to worst is that I wasted my time studying law and then not achieving it, then I am too old to find my wife. the problem with this is if I am looking on it, if I really believe this might happen then why not just drop all of this plan? because right now I actually cannot take my job anymore and then if I drop my dream of becoming a lawyer then I should persevere in my current job, which I actually have a good salary, and benefits but I just cannot take it anymore,

My plan is that I will resign this coming december find some other work that can match or even not too less than what I am receiving from my current job.

This is what I am planning if I am not going to enter law school, find now my better half, start dating, but I actually tried it just last week and felt broken hearted, this is what happen, I met this girl who is very charming that upon going back home I felt that I had a love at first sight and that I love her personality, I kept thinking about her, I just cannot explain it further, just think of a man who is crazy in love with a woman, but turn out that she does not see me or felt the way I felt for her, I willing to drop all my plan for her, I will take care of her and built a new life with her, I am ready to do it, because I think that pursuing to enter law school might not do any better in life, but I am just thinking that I might take a masters degree in the way I might have few years that can be with my life, and that this might uplift my living by getting a job in the Government, but then I just do not love masters school, I just can't , I am looking forward learning any thing about this masters subject, I just thinking doing it because I want to have a better life with my soon to be wife, I should make an act of uplifting my salary and life, but then I did not have any idea who is the girl willing to be with me.

another thing is, is it possible that while studying law might find someone in my life? I think that is possible but, knowing my self, when I have a relationship I always think of her and that will just distract me from school. this is so sad about my self, because, If you can see, this is a petty problem, it is actually very possible to find love while doing your dreams.

Now what I am gonna do, take risk and quit my job, and start studying law school, or persevere to my current job because I might not want this job, but this job, gives me food to eat, a better life, I have a car, and salary of higher that most of job in the Philippines, but it is just I am not happy with it, that is the problem, I do not want it anymore, I want that I have a service car, the comfort it gives me because we do not have this in our lives, I have incentives other than salary and allowances, I have very seldom job in a day, I am like, working for only 5 hours in average day, and that is mostly actually spend thru my travel like driving, this is the problem and that is that I am tired of doing it, I do not know what I want to quit, I really want to quit.

but then I just do not have any fall back, where job will I go, other than that of my insecurities that I am bald, and that I have low self-esteem, I am just fighting it back because I do not have a choice, but my crown is getting bald, I am doing all I can to stop or at least slowing it, I even got a tattooed point in my scalp just to hide it, fuck I this is really frustrating and depressing to know. 

I have very low self-esteem of this fucking hair. other than every problem in my life, that I chose to fight with, and often times let things happen and face it.

I very tired of this. 

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