tired and soup

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I am fully aware that I cannot think clearly when I am tired.

but why did I say tired and soup? 

soup in tagalog is sabaw, and the expression sabaw means you do not think clearly, you are bound to make mistake, in more subtle meaning would be you are stupid enough to make mistake in every thing you do, that is because you are tired and lack of sleep and thus your work does not make any sense.

this is true to me at the moment of my life, that I am more to fail at this moment of my life when I will be too tired to do my homework, that is why right now, I am becoming to give up my dream of studying law school in Manila.

what I am praying to the Lord right now is for me to give a school that will give me more time to study. There is still possibility of studying in Manila provided that I have a source of income to support my schooling and that I should not work full time and that I have other source like business.

I am starting to cry right now by merely thinking about this, because I know that in my mind, at the very least in my human mind that I should work full time and then pursue my study in law school at night. 

I just do not know if God will allow me to do this. I just hard but in myself I should now start this year, I should quit my job and gamble my future by studying, by chasing my dream of becoming a lawyer.

To my frustration by thinking that I cannot do it, I really think that I will have a hard time finishing it based on my budget, I am not capable of studying law school without working full time and then study at night time, what I am thinking is that I will surely be very tired at it, and that possibly nothing will enter my human brain, and that I am sort of certain that it will be useless to work and study, or it will very very hard for myself doing these things.

I am so sad that I was in this situation, I was little envy to those family that has parents who are willing to send their child on school with full support, their children are not bothered whether it is already payment for the tuition, but in my case I am chasing my dream alone.

I am not breathing deeply hoping that God will make a miracle, send me to the right school I will be able to learn, enjoy, pass the bar and be a good lawyer to the country.

I more concern financially than I thinking on how hard will study of law in our country, because I believe I may not be smart person, but still in my hard work proper time and rest, I am certain that I can do it, I can pass the bar exam, I am sure just please the Lord give me proper support financially and time, I will do my best to pass it.

I may not have an answer today, maybe some other time the Lord will have an answer to my prayer, I really want to start it this year, I should be starting it, my time ticking and that I really want to chase my dream this year. I do not see myself now working as medical representative, although presently the only source of my income is this work, I take pride on it, in the present, money is not a problem to me, I can buy many things with my salary, I can help my mother and my sister with all the expense we need, but then as I decided to study, I have dilemma that I could not work as medrep anymore and that I should find another source of income to support my study, that is what my problem from now.

with all the possibility in the world please Lord, allow me this year to take a leap of faith and start it now against all odd, I must do it.

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